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Soft Shells and Buried Shipsmy mind drifts in piecesSoft Shells and Buried Ships by RosaryOfSighsx
the wax moon drip drips
onto the pane of the window
and down the side of the wall, wailing
across the floor to the soles
of my bare feet
my skin is as pale as the moon
crescent as fingernails tapping sos morse conspiracies on hardwood,
trying hopelessly to carve them into oars
to row out of a mad sea the colour of wine -
my flesh stripped bare to white naked bone
skull peeled back;
the hemispheres of my brain exposed
swallowed into the black hole
of a silk veil.
a damp sphere left to ferment
that I eat like an orange
a strange fruit
bitter and sweet on my tongue
gun powder and molasses
heavy and full of shadows.
I taste of hope and death
in equal measure.
I breathe paper lanterns and the mouth of eulogies
scattering promises and the snowflake petals
of morgues and warm breath in the space between ribs
aching bodies unmade and lips pressing kisses into
pages across palms and psalms and whisper-sweet
it's in the butter
slice it sweet and slice
MotherhoodMaybe I'm just worried that my carelessnessMotherhood by childwoman
Will follow me into motherhood -
The way I dented my boss's truck when I was 18
And then lied about it
Might mean that when the bough breaks
And I fail, inevitably, to catch the cradle
Lying won't be enough
But it will be all that I can think to do
Maybe I'm worried that the worst in me
Will become the worst in my child
The way I lose my temper with you for no reason
And then blame you
Might mean that when I show my love through a sharp tongue
And I fail, inevitably, to realise the damage done
Apologies won't be enough
But they will be all that I have left to try
Maybe I'm just worried that my love for you
Will be sacrificed to our love for a baby
And that there'll be nothing else -
Will that mean that we have died
And only a new life survives in ashes
Maybe it's not enough
But maybe that will be everything
Stories From the Psych Ward (2 of 3)I'm so cold I feel it down to the bones,Stories From the Psych Ward (2 of 3) by RosaryOfSighsx
sitting in the dining hall trembling
over my cup of tea. A huge Christmas
tree twinkles merrily beside me in red, blue, silver, pink and gold.
Patients huddle together outside to talk,
but I'm forbidden to join them,
trapped inside the ward on a category four.
They're all strangers to me, I've spoken to no one.
Smoking their cigarettes in faded pajamas,
looking tired and worn down,
lips twisting into smiles as the smoke
curls down into their lungs.
Nurses find me hiding from evil spirits in the cupboard.
They let me stay inside, safe until the panic stops and
the shadows disappear, give me blankets
to stay warm, until they take me by the hand and lead me out.
Two psychiatrists come to speak with me
While insects pour from my lips
And satellites speak of the death of stars
The voices scream at me
But I talk.
They want me to trust them
They want me to stay alive.
A nurse takes six canisters of my blood,
a deep frothy red. It pours out of my
Bipolar cells, Bipolar diseaseWe all have bipolar neurons -Bipolar cells, Bipolar disease by RosaryOfSighsx
brain cells with two processes.
Bipolar neurons process light
Some of us have bipolar disorder
where our moods chemically switch into two severe states
into mania and depression.
Sometimes we're fighting darkness
some days we're drowning in light
both are dangerous
both are debilitating
both can kill us
But we are all human.
We all have bipolar neurons and they keep us alive.
Some of us have bipolar disorder, which can lead us to suicide.
So next time you insult me for being bipolar,
remember that at a cellular level, your brain is bipolar too.
The difference is that my brain is cellularly bipolar
but it is chemically and structurally bipolar too.
Bipolar disorder needs your understanding
not your judgment.
This is a disease that brings us to our knees
this is a disease that can destroy families and lives.
This is a chemical reality that feels like a waking nightmare,
like trying to breathe inside antimatter and black holes
or feeling that euphoria, feelin